Thursday, 16 July 2009

hot air draining me out!!

Have been particularly drained out over the last few days; sleeping way too much and raging headaches! I got in from work today and crashed the moment I entered, not waking till around 10 PM!!! What’s up with that! I should be preparing for ziyarat, but it feels like such a long way off as work is so frantic and my entire being is so heavy; I pray it is not the nazr I fear, and is just exhaustion, nothing else!
It kind of started on Tuesday, after I had arranged to meet with a few Muslim groups, to see if we could get some disability Equality training set up within mosques and other community settings. The model we are proposing, if we do manage to pool it off, will be hugely successful Insha Allah; we want to take it to a range of faith institutions, and hope that in the longer term, it really will work some way towards changing attitudes!
I first began to flap when certain attendees were floating lame excuses for not turning up, organising the meeting was a battle in its self! Then, hours before the meeting, our friends from SIF decided they wouldn’t be putting in an appearance after all!! The SIF thing upset me allot not just because they couldn’t be bothered to attend, but because I feel I’ve already invested so much of myself and my beliefs in this board, if it turns out to be just as the conspirators say (or worse!) it will drain me in ways I really don’t want to think about just now.
Any way, in the end, I did manage to get a few of them in a room; we came up with a plan as such (and I think I did remain relatively diplomatic through-out!). Only time will tell if they do actually carry out what they have promised to, but even during the meeting, it was very apparent that each has his agenda; politics, positions within mosque committees, community prestige (what is even more hilarious is, the images they have of themselves are so dramatically different to those the community have of them!), in short, the agenda shines through and few are keen on backing them up! But before we could sign up mosques or fix dates, they had to debate among themselves who would present in the labour backed mosques and who would deal with the more SNP friendly ones! What crap!! As a Scottish Nationalist myself, (and a proud one at that!), I have absolutely no issue with any one’s political affiliations, whether I agree with them or not! However, I fail to see why/how they should cloud one’s ability to get a piece of work done! A piece of work, which transcends politics, cast, creed or community, and is about justice, dignity and equality, principals of humanity and basic human rights underpinning all religions, and possibly political parties (excluding the BNP and the conservatives!).
Some one once pointed out, that the biggest enemies of Islam are the Muslims themselves, and I’m so inclined to agree with that! How do I explain this lethargy to my non-Muslim peers in the disability movement, why do I perpetually turn up at mosque thinking the best of my leaders and my community, who fail to get the point no matter how many times I make it. Insha Allah, agendas and all we will get these sessions done, but my tired, euphemistic tendencies tell me they will have very little impact in the longer term, and that’s what breaks my heart most of all! As an activist, I was not born to give up, but I wonder just how much even the strongest activists take before they burn out completely!

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