Friday, 14 May 2010

1 born every minute: its back!

A long way back, way back in the day: I used to present radio programmes, and …, horror upon horror, people actually listened to them! And liked them! So much so that, a few of the said listeners have asked me to bring one of their favourite features back, and include it here on the blog! The feature was entitled, ‘one born every minute! I soon learnt that, my life is allot more bazaar, surreal and disjointed than your average, but rather than get upset and worked up about it, its better to just celebrate the madness, laugh at yourself and with the others rather than have them laugh at you alone! Life is too short after all; of course, it becomes ever so slightly unethical when the joke is on some one else and I happen to be observing, but hey: others need to share the love and the smiles!
I’ve been mulling this over for a couple of weeks, trying to find a belter to kick things off, and then it came to me yesterday! (this is actually a true story, before any one runs away with the idea I mocked it up!).

So, I’m doing an evaluation for a new Ethnic Minority project, exploring the use of the natural world (yeah I know: evaluations are the only work freelancers can get these days: and yes, I do hate it!). So, as per usual, the apna crowd have been complaining about how there are no projects for them, no one is interested etc, and then we get this new project together, only to find out ‘bang! No one is interested!! So, we’ve had to top up the numbers with all other breeds of individuals: because we’ve worked dam hard to get the money, and I don’t want to give it back!! I interviewed one of the candidates yesterday: a rather dull gora guy from Ayrshire, somewhere in his late 30s, but he seemed up for coming to our project, and that’s all I care about! Somehow, we got on to talking about the nature of his impairment (something I prefer to avoid given my social model persuasion, but he volunteered the info, and kept talking even when I made it obvious I’d switched off). He was talking about the trauma of his sight loss, and then I felt bad, wondering if perhaps he had been involved in an accident, or inherited some dodgy genetic complaint like mine later in life, so I bit the bullet and asked him what had happened to him (if of course, he didn’t mind spilling). He smiled, and told me, quite calmly: “well, the thing is, some guys dared me to blow myself up and …, I did it! and my eyes got the worst of it!”. At that moment, I thanked God for the fact he couldn’t see how hard I was working to suppress my laughter! Only a guy from Ayrshire could do this!! And do you see now why I mentioned he was a gora? A guy who blows himself up! And isn’t Muslim! Wonderful! I then wondered if he really should come on our course at all: the last thing I want is to be accused of running a terrorist training camp for disabled people!. Moreover, I started to worry about what would happen if any one else in my group dared him to do something! Would he jump off bridges, flash down David Cameron during his latest Scottish visit, (who said that would be helpful!!), But when I informed my manager of the same, his sentiments were similar: “let him come along: it will be good entertainment!”, yeah right! So you see? There really is one born every minute! If you encounter similar twilight zone moments, coupled with their own unique flavour, you are welcome to send them to me for publishing, or just add them in the comments, …, more madness next Friday!

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