So!! Its Friday, and the UK General Election has been, and gone, and keeps coming back like the last night’s curry you ate too late on!! The result (unlike said curry), shows clearly, ….., people read my blog!!! Seriously!! Despite only having 7followers, the whole country pivoted on it! (well, Scotland did at any rate!). Seriously!! We asked people to vote, and they turned out in droves!! The highest turnout in years! So high, in fact, that some poling stations ran out of ballot papers, while others had to abandon their would-be voters at the door when they couldn’t clear the long queues by 10 PM, (remember, you heard it here first!!!) (I shake a finger, and the nation follows!!). You still don’t believe me? Well, check out the Osama Update!! Since writing about the Aforementioned SNP candidate last month, I’d heard nothing from him, no campaign leaflets, no hustings, no doorstepping in support of his party! Moreover, when I contacted their head quarters to offer my support to the canvassers, …, you guessed it, no response! Then finally, after an eternity in campaign land: I wandered out of my flat to vote yesterday, and came face-to-face with MR Saeed!! No kidding!! I couldn’t believe it!! of course, he was pretending to campaign, every one else here knows he was stocking me: just waiting with held breath for the next mention of him on this trend setting blog! It goes without saying that I would have given him a big up had he come out victorious: he is a SNP man after all! Besides, I thought my last article was actually verging on the sympathetic towards the end! So it took me by surprise when he didn’t say hello, no salaam, nothing at all! Quite the contrary: he went straight in to ‘dagger mode, glaring me out all the way to the car! This really sent him plummeting in my estimations: I mean, what is the point of glaring at a blind person!! He could have spat at me, swore at me or stuffed my letter box with campaign leaflets I couldn’t read! Now that’s real hard core nasty ain’t it!! glaring is a cowards way out: some one else had to point it out to me! .., can’t we talk about it Osama, I don’t bite you know! (well, unless I’m paid to), and being a fellow nationalist, and some one who voted for you, for the sake of the party, don’t I deserve better? Now then, the next time you are passing I expect a few SNP car stickers, and a t-shirt for my efforts, OK? Besides, you should thank me: if you’d been reading more carefully, you’d see this blog is all about activism and encouraging the great unmoved to get up off their derrieres and do something useful for humanity! Its pretty obvious Osama hasn’t been doing much in the south side, whether he decided labour was a foregone conclusion in this constituency, or whether he was just too scared of meeting me! I really don’t know! But he only got 5000 votes, which seems pretty shocking in my view considering the SNP candidate for Glasgow Central stole the show at the Scottish parliamentary elections in 2007. I did hear however from several Asian business figures that he was trying to play the old Pakistani Political card (come now Osama, we don’t have to play Sarwar at his own established game now do we!). When he strolled in to Uncle Shabber’s office last week, my friend (Uncle’s secretary and a SNP voter herself), didn’t even recognise him!! Rather than smile and talk her through it, (after all she is very pretty!), he glared in disgust and threw his card at her! (lucky you didn’t lose yourself a vote there mate wasn’t it!). I don’t know if the whole SIF saga lost the SNP valuable votes or not, it is true that people vote differently in General Elections from Scottish parliamentary ones, and The Nationalists certainly stuck their neck out on Osama given that Sarwar has sadly captured the Asian imagination (or the lack of it), through his many shops, Masjid networking and fraudulent activity! The whole campaign was somewhere between a mafia showdown and a bad joke gone wrong!
Allot of people seem to have voted labour north of the border to keep the Conservatives out, and its worked!…, well, To a degree: no one party has a majority, and it will take days, (probably weeks!), for the parties to thrash out an agreement they can work with (a very tall order). Presently, the Conservatives are in talks with the Liberal Democrats, (a pretty impossible coalition if you ask me!). Most people in Scotland will doubtless be hoping that Labour and the Liberals reach a consensus: despite their differences, they have more to work with in terms of a shared vision than the other 2: moreover, there would be more power for the Nationalists and other smaller parties to have their voices heard in the process. Our first minister did make a valid point yesterday, in that, even if the conservatives do form a majority government, do they, constitutionally have any right to govern Scotland at all, given that they only have 1 MP from our nation? Sadly though, I fear this will just be another anger ridden uttering as opposed to something they actually follow up on! The SNP are more likely to sit tight till next year, and the Scottish Elections rather than make too much of a scene now: they already embarrassed themselves enough over the TV Debate saga!!
Back in Glasgow though, we prepare ourselves for another ‘in-family politician: Anas Sarwar has been MP in Embryo for the past 10 years or so: and the last time I heard him on radio Ramadhan, he’d adapted the ‘fake Cultured accent down to a fine art (and with quite an edge over his father given that his English was better!).
Lets hope he manages to spend a little more time in parliament fighting for Glasgow than his father did (Sarwar Senior could barely manage 50%!) (in fact, so disillusioned was he with Westminster, he couldn’t even be bothered to make the customary exit speech, thanking his colleagues, opposers and above all, those constituents who were stupid enough to vote for him in the first place!).
Sarwar Senior can now spend more time on his charitable trusts (who spend their days making videos about how fantastic he is: I should know, I had the misfortune of working for them for a short time in 2007). He could also benefit from attending some disability Equality Training, and if he really loves his son, he should take him along too: that way he can avoid any major gaffs before he gets started! I advised a friend of mine to visit MR Sarwar a few years ago, she was a disabled student from Pakistan, and was having some difficulty renewing her visa under the fresh talent programme! I suggested that while a MPs letter wouldn’t move mountains, it would still give her some q-dos in the eyes of the decision makers! When Sarwar senior could be bothered sitting down with her, he rushed her through her story, and threw 100£ in her direction, (yeah!!!, we are blind, all we want is money!). While Sarwar junior is welcome to chuck cash at me whenever he wishes (I’m not working right now by the way!), there are, strangely enough, more constructive ways of engaging with your disabled constituents! I also attempted to meet Sarwar Senior when I too, needed an endorsement letter for my former Husband’s visa. I dressed up in my finest, my mother took a day off work and my x even got his hair cut!! Only, Sarwar Senior was too busy munching chavul at his brother’s cash and carry to come and talk to us! He did eventually meet my husband after he waited 2 hours (I’d gone off home in disgust by that point and my mother had returned to work!). Lets hope Sarwar Junior isn’t a raving rich rice fan!!
Ah well! There it is! Another 5 years of an elusive Asian politician, …, shame! But hey, maybe its better the devil you know than the one you know all too well! Hopefully, he’ll hide out in his constituency office for another 5 years like his dad, not troubling any one too much till its voting time again! I just pray we get a decent MSP next year other wise we are really screwed!! And beyond my city, they busy themselves with the logistics of a hung parliament, …, hmmmm, I wonder, …, who do you think they will hang first!?