Wednesday, 4 August 2010

... I really am back, Honest!

I am turning in to the most neglectful, ultimate useless blogger there ever was!!! Even the utterly beyond help bloggers who only update once an eternity have updated more frequently than me of late, and with more substance! Its not that I’ve not had stuff to write about, I’ve had loads in fact: I’ve even got posts I began before I left for Iran and keep meaning to finish! But the thing is, I’ve just been so depressed since I got home. Living without my new husband has proven allot more painful and stressful than I anticipated! Its not just being without him that is hard, the uncertainty is incredibly difficult: initially, we estimated that within ¾ months, all the visa business would be done and dusted, but its not quite working out that way (the best laid plans, and all that!). Normally, when couples marry overseas, they can submit their papers to the British Embassy in the country of the spouse, and then the partner is issued with a visa, he/she comes to the UK, and all is right with the world! The problem we had though, was that the Iranian authorities would not permit us to register our marriage through conventional channels, owing to the fact that I was not an Iranian citizen! I tried to research this online, but all of the official websites were only in Farsi, and the British Embassy told me they couldn’t overrule what the Iranian authorities were demanding! I then thought, that if I submitted our niqah certificate (all signed and correct) to the authorities, that they would accept that, but according to the embassy, its not a recognised document! This meant, that our only option was for my husband to come to the UK on another type of visa, and for us then to get married here. I can’t sponsor him through a fiancĂ©e visa or any thing of that nature because I still have no job and no money, so the most realistic proposition looked like the Highly Skilled Migrant Programme (HSMP). This would enable my husband to come and work here, and for us to then marry here when he was settled. It would also mean his visa was not marriage dependent if you know what I mean, thus alleviating my parent’s scepticism about him only wanting a visa. Only problem with this is, the other half’s company don’t keep proper business records, they don’t issue pay slips, and even the bank statements my husband has don’t demonstrate his salary properly. You would think that Embassy staff would be familiar with the haphazard nature of proceedings in countries like Azerbaijan, but they are not giving us even an inch, and have been even more unhelpful than the Iranians have. Reza for his part, doesn’t worry about any of this. He is a stronger person than me, and with much greater Iman. He constantly reminds me that none of it is in our hands, that we will sort it out and that Allah (SWT) will provide, and while I know all that is absolutely true, its hard to focus on it and remain routed in optimism. I’ve been really down, I’m tired and fed-up of being alone and tramping around in circles. I’ve not been out much, don’t feel like talking, meeting friends etc. I’ve seen my parents, but they too are really bringing me down for all kinds of reasons that I’ll write about some other time. The family problems remind me that its not just Reza I’m missing: despite all my fears and anxiety about meeting Reza’s parents, I totally fell in love with them: they became my parents, not my in-laws. They gave me more love than I’d ever known, and filled the huge void that has come between my parents and I over the years. I also gained a brother-in-law and sister-in-law, and 2 little nieces who I totally adore, and there isn’t a day where I don’t cry and miss them all. I’d dearly love to settle in Iran, but Reza just feels the political/economic situation there would be pretty difficult, and make it hard for us to build a life and most importantly, for him to find work. I don’t speak Farsi, and so would be restricted socially and would struggle to get a job, but that doesn’t stop me missing them all. Its easy to feel like I’m the only one going through this, but of course I’m not, God bless SR Ellen over at ‘steadily emerging with Grace, for all her posts on this very topic, it helps me allot to read them. Please pray for us at this difficult time, and pray for my work situation: I’ve still no job and while money has never mattered to me, making ends meet is something we have to do.

In other news, I will promise to start writing up the Iran trip as soon as I can, and will not be so depressing next time! After all, no matter how tough things are, I do have so much to be grateful for: you only have to look at the terrible disaster in Pakistan to realise how much we have been blessed with. Pakistan was my home for 3 years, and part of my heart will always remain there. The internal trauma brought about by the floods, coupled with the external trauma created by the British PM trying to gain some acumen through cashing in on the misfortune is just too much for such a fragile and already struggling nation. I urge every one reading this to speak out against these things, and certainly to give whatever you can to your local aid organisations. You too might be struggling financially, but if we all give a little of what we have, those who are in need will gain allot: remember, where there is sincerity within giving, there is always baraqa, so do what you can. If you are struggling to find an aid organisation you trust, why don’t you check out: www.ladyfatemahtrust.org I’ve been supporting this organisation for a few years now, and in particular, I love the fact that they have no running costs: 100% of all donations go directly to those in need, plus they demonstrate excellent accountability, so do consider supporting them.
In the meantime, I pray you are all gaining from the rich blessings held within the month of Shaban, and striving towards your Ramadhan preparations. As for mine, well, I’ve not even bought my dates yet, so need to get moving, like yesterday!

2 comments:

  1. Aw babe... I'm glad youre back on the blogosphere. But I'm sorry to hear you and Reza are temporarily separated. Don't worry though. Insh'Allah you guys will be back together soon enough. Be strong and have faith.

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  2. Bless you Kanwal! I should have guessed you’d be the first to send me words of encouragement: it shows how big your heart is! I’ve been keeping up with your posts too even though You’ve not heard from me properly since my return: oh and I will reply to your Email some time this millennium: I promise!
    All my love:
    xxxxxx

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