Friday, 24 September 2010

More on Terror (if you didn't laugh, you'd cry!)

A few months ago, I blogged about the government’s proposed add campaign on how to spot a terrorist! Not surprisingly, the plug was pooled when the leak was out on that one, but new info is out today: the alleged reality of current terror threats to Britain, courtesy of MI5. Am I the only one who’s noticed that since the formation of the kid-on coalition, the phobic rhetoric pumped out by the conservatives is remarkably close to that circulated by a certain president in a certain super power? Make of that what you will!
I am personally sick of the whole dam business, and I actually try my utmost not to blog about it, because I only end up sounding like a Britain hater, or just another of those Muslim political wonnabes with those oh-so-heavy samosas on their shoulders (sorry, I just thought it made a change from chips).

So, to save you reading through the latest warnings the just of it is that the threat from Islamic terrorists is still as prominent as it ever was, and what we need to do is all be “vigilant”, and report any “suspicious behaviour”, …., are you thinking what I’m thinking? Sure!!! This is just the add campaign, framed in more polite phraseology! Because you see, we don’t have any antisocial behaviour in the UK today, there are no more problems with Irish Terrorists, we need not worry about the fact that the soon-to-be implemented equality act will only further alienate the communities we are supposed to be integrating: who cares!! Muslims are the enemy, and every one’s rights will be protected accept theirs: and as for the rest of you, be “vigilant”.
Right, and all this makes sense when the silent majority like myself are ignored, and you see the government in bed with organisations such as the Islamic Forum of Europe, who have more terrorists amongst them than Binladen’s mother gave birth to!
See, I too worry about Wahabis and Salafis, I see the threat they pose and I certainly don’t expect my government to do nothing about them, but surely any one can see that “vigilance” is relative, and of course, policies like this give all the haters and racists the ammunition they need! Even if they don’t want to attack in the conventional way, they can always get a Muslim of their choice banged up for a few days: (remember, Muslims are guilty till proven innocent!).

Any way, I promised I wouldn’t sound like a Muslim manic maniac, and so I won’t: my purpose of posting all this actually was to give you a few tips on that “vigilance”. After all, not all of my readers are Muslim, and those that are, generally belong to that silent majority I mentioned earlier! So, to point you in the right direction, here are a few top tips of the kind of people you should be looking out for, and the behaviour you should be reporting: (feel free to add a few of your own).

1) Length of trousers! Now then, we all know that most terrorists have taken on a uniform one might use to commemorate a budgie dying, so if the trousers are an inch or more above the ankles, …, be worried!

2) Beard length! Our Prophet, (PBUH), has advised that beards should be the length of a clenched fist (isn’t there a problem with width of hand span here?), any way, most of the W Mob go a bit longer just to make sure, so carry a tape measure at all times!

3) Hygiene! …, Now, I know this is a touchy subject, but I am dam sure I’m not the only one who has sat next to a saag smeared man-in-salwar kameez on the tube and wished she hadn’t! …, maybe I’m putting 2 and 3 together to make 100, but to me, its logical: if you are bomb making, you won’t have much time to get the washing machine on, in fact: maybe you’ve used all your fairy snow in your latest experiment: (didn’t some one use ata last time?). Plus, you obviously won’t want to draw attention to yourself: and sallin stains will just make you blend in to the crowd, some may even think you poor or homeless! So remember people! Even daal may not be what it seems!

4) Fruit shop workers! See, most Muslims don’t want to go to the mosque any more: (guilt by association you know!), and staying at home can be pretty boring now can’t it! for women, that’s OK: we can do coffee, visit friends, go to the library, but men: they need more engaging, high-risk activities to occupy their free time with: and recently, this has come to involve fruit shops. Initially, I thought that there might be some kind of scientific research going on: i.e. gasses given off by brusselsprouts, or how much damage you can do with a sack of potatoes, but on more careful analysis, I’ve come to believe it’s the Mission HQ! The place were plans are deliberated, cogitated and digested! The brains, the pulse, maybe even the recruitment base! But the fruit shop is where its at! So keep an ear to the ground next time your after a cauliflower!

5) Last, but by no means least: it’s a conspiracy!! Seriously it is!! The fact you are farting allot these days, is a conspiracy: the government are putting extra gas in your channa chaat! And the fact that your tired? Its nothing to do with your long day at the office: the world is trying to kill you! Its true! Bush named you years ago, and now the Tories are carrying it out! Conspiracies feature every where in wahabi doctrine, and keep the future recruits very busy indeed! Remember the one about me? The fact that I have a Jewish name (not a bible name mind), Ruth, and that I’m a shia, and that I travel regularly, I’m really an agent!! Yeah guys, call me squirrel!! And I’m sure some one is already reading this blog backwards from the beginning to extract hidden truths from within (let me know what you find, will you?), so, listen out for the C word grin, and then leg it!

I better go now and hand myself in, oh: stay freakin vigilant now won’t you!!!

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